"The boy was nervous" is plain.
"Sweat trickled down the boy's face. His stomach tightened into a hard knot“ is much more interesting.
"She is old" is ordinary.
"She is hunched over, crunched up, bent, like an empty soda can" is more interesting.
"She was sad" is boring.
"…a misty grayness crept inside her and would not go away" is infinitely more interesting!
How to SHOW
•Use sensory detail (see, hear, touch, smell, taste)
•Use figurative language (similes, metaphors, personification)
•Use precise word choice (strong adverbs and adjectives)
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oExample: Walking home from school, she always admired the fall’s beautiful foliage.
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Example: “Hastily, he scurried across the front of the classroom like a mouse hoping not to be seen.” Try beginning some sentences with verbs or adverbs Example: He is skinny. She was lonely. Try not to begin your sentences with “He/she was,” “He/she is.” 9/10 times these are “telling” sentences rather than “showing.”
Now it's Your Turn!
§With your character sketch partner (the person you interviewed and are writing about), rewrite the following sentences so that they show rather than tell. You may make each longer than one sentence.
1.) Grandma was angry.
2.) Emma was tired.
3.) The dog was happy.
